


Adelin's Greatest Fear

by WingsOfFire13



Series: Chronicles of Adelin Lavellan [4]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blue Phoenix, Confusing, Confusion, Evil Double, Fox Spirit Animal, Fox Spirit Guide, In the Fade, M/M, Peacock Spirit Animal, Peacock Spirit Guide, Sarcasm, Spirit Animals, Spirit Guides, Spoilers, The Fade, The Peacock is kind of a Phoenix, Wolf Spirit Animal, Wolf Spirit Guide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2015-11-27
Packaged: 2018-04-10 06:58:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 14,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4381838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WingsOfFire13/pseuds/WingsOfFire13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Me exploring the fact that our beloved Inquisitor doesn't have a grave stone in that fun little easter egg in The Fade. </p><p>Just a few short chapters, trying to keep them to two pages or so each.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fear

**Author's Note:**

> Can someone please tell me how to code italics into this website because I cannot for the life of me figure it out.

“Where are we?” Stroud asked from… the wall? Where he was standing? Standing as if it were perfectly normal? Shit.

Solas was busy being fascinated and excited somewhere behind Adelin, while Hawke was standing (glaring at everything) on a slightly askew wall/ceiling, Cole looked like he might burst from stress, and Bull looked at everything around him like it might swallow him whole and he wanted to punch it before it got the chance. Once they all started to adjust slightly, Solas cast a Barrier over both Cole and Bull to make them feel less vulnerable. Then he began;

“I believe we are in the Fade. Incredible! I never thought I would find a way to be here physically… Look, the Black City- almost close enough to touch now.” The other elven mage babbled. For the first time since the blizzard had happened, Adelin was glad Dorian was still stuck in Skyhold with that horrible cold. He could practically feel the danger around him. Could feel fear and hatred and so many other things that he almost never felt in reality unless he was in battle. Or when he had gotten the news that his clan had been… that they were... 

By the time he snapped out of his thoughts, the group was trying to figure out a way to escape the Fade. Or at least what they should do right then. Ahead of them, there was a hole in the sky- if you could call that a sky anyways. It was emerald green with a smoky swirl that looked like a much smaller version of the Breach. And random floating chunks of earth all around like clouds. But other than that, it looked exactly like the real sky.

“Well, it’s better than sitting here waiting for something to eat us. Let’s go- this way.” He practically commanded, not hearing half of the conversation between his companions, just knowing that he needed to move before the Fade could shape to his memories.

“Solas, any advice for wandering through this part of the Fade?” Adelin asked when they came near to a box full of healing draughts, making conversation while he refilled their supplies.

“You make it sound as though I willingly drift into these sort of places. The demon here appears to be very powerful- some variety of Fear, I would wager. Be on your guard, as always, and prepare for what is sure to be a fascinating experience. Thank you for bringing me along on this mission, Inquisitor. This is not what I would have guessed would happen, but I am glad to be one of the few to accomplish such a feat.” Solas beamed- actually beamed. He was like a child in a candy store. Adelin gave a nervous smile and nodded to the other elf, then squared his shoulders and led the group out into… where ever they were going.

Nothing particularly interesting happened for a while- they killed a few wraiths, found a few candles, and Cole accidentally tripped over something and did a faceplant into a puddle, but other than that there was nothing really interesting going on here.

Then things started going wrong. First, a bunch of spiders started crawling out of the sky. Or maybe it was those weirdly curved stalactites all around them they were coming from? It didn’t really matter. What did matter was that after the first few waves of spiders, the creatures started to… change. They became more grotesque, more frightening- and it didn’t seem like they were all looking at the same thing any more. Cole kept screaming that he saw Despair demons, or that he saw things “Like him, but not him.” And he always apologized to the… whatever they were, after he killed them. Iron Bull just saw demons- every possible demon, it seemed. Solas, Hawke, and Stroud kept whatever they were seeing to themselves. Adelin slowly became more and more afraid with each enemy he killed.

The demon was learning. It was picking them apart like an Envy demon. First, Adelin saw random elves- elvish servants he recognised from Skyhold or Haven, but with long claws and sharp fangs, eyes hollow like pits. Then he started seeing his clansmen- his friends, his family, his Keeper, and at last, his sister. Cutting her down was the hardest thing he had been forced to do in some time. Then it was the same batch of people- this time, they looked more like themselves though. As if they too had fallen into the Fade alongside their group- until they came too close and the illusion shifted. That was probably the only reason they all didn’t start attacking each other, honestly- every few seconds, whatever they saw would sort of “blink” and the spiders would be visible again. Perhaps changing into these forms was tiring for the demons? 

They never strayed from the path. They kept to it, and they made a beeline for the hole in the sky.

It surprised Adelin more than it should have to meet Divine Justinia again- though he couldn’t help but think that she “blinked” too every now and then- not into a spider, but into… a flame. A light as bright as the elf imagined Andraste’s sword might have been. It surprised him less when he saw what she truly was, and how she was able to disperse the barriers that the Fear Demon had erected in their path. Cassandra and Leliana would have given all of Thedas to be here now, seeing her again. He knew that his two companions had to miss the older woman…

The next wave forced Adelin to cut down his own Inner Circle. He constantly cast Barriers over his friends, giving them that blueish sheen so that he could ensure the other didn’t attack them. Bull cleaved another of himself in two, though from his growls it sounded like he had cut up a Tal-Vashoth. It appeared that the demon was wriggling its claws farther into their minds.

Finally, they came to a demon standing alone in the center of a sand-and-water spiral. It would have looked quite at home in some sort of garden or Noble’s Estate, but here it was just creepy.

The demon turned slowly, sharp, spindly black legs crick-cracking like bones breaking with every move it made. It bent down on all fours, letting a serpent-like tongue loll out from between the teeth of a canine-like skull. It was like someone had taken a Gibbering Horror and given it Lyrium- and it made this awful screeching noise as it ran towards the group. It must use sound to attack, because they all had to cover their ears and run off of the pathway, running through deeper puddles until the thing left them alone. When Adelin looked up, he stood before a graveyard.

“Adelin, don’t go in there.” Bull warned, but the elf had already walked through the main gate. He held held his staff and the hilt of his spirit blade at the ready, slowly wandering past each headstone. It started to become foggier with each one he read. Most of them were blank, but the ones that he did read were not comforting.

“Cole… Despair. Bull… Madness. Solas… dying alone…” He paused. It was his own headstone. Before he could read it aloud, however, there was a familiar voice behind him. The voice of someone who shouldn’t be there.


	2. Into the Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our beloved Adelin gets guilt tripped by his sister for the events of Protect Clan Lavellan.

“Adahlen’...ansal” a short, raven haired elf croaked, calling Adelin by his clan-given name. 

She stumbled forward, her pale skin marred by the bites of blades and claws. She held her bow in one broken-looking hand, the other arm had been… had been ripped away from her body, the skin left near her shoulder torn and bloody like Rashvine. With fear in her eyes, she rushed forward as quickly as her limp would allow her to- falling flat into the mud and water before she stopped moving altogether. 

His world came to a crashing halt. All around him, the voices of angry shemlen screamed, the Fade contorted in on itself until the two elves were in a forest, back in the Free Marches. Back home. 

His home was aflame.

“Bor’adahlen!” Adelin cried out to his sister in his native tongue, rushing forward with all the grace of a newborn halla as he struggled towards her. All around him the angry shems cried out, the sound filled with rage and bloodlust, and he could hear the screams of his people mixed with the sickening noise of blades punching through soft skin. 

She was pulling herself back up as best as she could, struggling to her feet with more willpower than anyone he had ever known. The faster he forced his long legs to go the farther away she got. Their golden eyes met and locked for the barest of moments-

And then a shem’s arrow was buried into her back. Her golden eyes glowed with the green-blue pull of The Fade on her soul as she gasped, staring at Adelin with a look of pure betrayal and hatred on her face.

She spat blood at his feet, now that he was finally standing close enough. Not close enough to have taken the arrow, not close enough to save her, not close enough, not close enough, never good enough, useless, couldn’t even save your own sister… His mind taunted him as much as the shem voices did, echoing all around him like some kind of nightmare. The shorter elf glared up at her brother, baring her teeth like a viper baring her fangs as she hissed;

“You did this. You killed all of us. You were never truly Elvhen, Adelin.” She began, throwing his shem name at him with as much venom as she could. “Look at the destruction you have brought! The Great Herald of Andraste- the elf who was to stand for us all! Hah! The elf who let his entire clan be purged! Do we truly mean so little to you, ma lin? We all know that you hated us, hated our ways, hated your own title. Hated those who took us in and raised us as if we were their own. You have betrayed us all, Adahlen’anasal. May the Dread Wolf take you!” She finished with one last gurgling breath. All the fight was gone from her eyes, and as he watched, Falon’Din gathered her up and carried her away- leaving only her bow behind.

Adelin couldn’t take it. He knew this was a trick of the Fade, a trick of the demon, but he couldn’t… he smelled the smoke, he heard the shems getting closer, he saw the man who had struck his sister down, and with everything in him screaming for him to stop, he stretched out his hand and hurled down the power of the storm at the man, and he didn’t stop until the body was nothing more than cinders.

~~~~~

Hovering above him in the Fade, far out of eyesight, an Aspect of the Nightmare hovered- watching and relating everything it saw to the Nightmare itself. With a chuckle and a smirk on the creature’s chosen form- a young dwarf with black hair, a long black beard, deathly pale skin and red eyes- he applauded himself on his handiwork. 

That green fog hovering through the air in the Fade had taken quite a bit longer to take effect than he had suspected it would but now, with the leader of the Inquisition slowly succumbing to the poison-like substance, and his companions desperately (and fearfully. Deliciously fearful in their panic) trying to wake their friend. It was truly a shame Corypheus had only allowed the powerful demon to take the Marked One’s mind- he could have grown even fatter on the fears of someone like The Iron Bull, or torturing that silly Compassion Spirit. As it was he was enjoying the surge of panic it caused the spirit when he used his power to keep him from entering the elf’s mind to save him.

But he dared not anger his new master. He would not risk losing such a tempting goal. He would have his fear- the whole world would be his dinner banquet soon. For now, he simply snacked on Adahlen’anasal, and the many fears that filled his heart almost to the brim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thanks for reading! I have a quick request of you all-
> 
> Would someone please comment at least two fears that you think Adelin would have? I can't decide which one I want to explore the most, so I figure I'll let you guys decide.
> 
> Thanks again!
> 
> Also- Adahlen'anasal means literally "gift of the forest" and Bor'adahlen means "Bow (as in archery) of the forest". We'll explore clan names later. Have fun reading!


	3. Wander

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Transition/Teaser chapter for the one I'm working on this week :3

The red haired elf wandered farther into the Fade- what he was looking for now he wasn’t even sure of himself. He just walked. He had killed a man. Killing red Templars was different. Red Templars were corrupted and evil and there was no saving them. Real people were always harder to kill- Adelin had avoided it for as long as he could, if he was honest with himself. He had stayed near the back and thrown out spirit magic whenever they had been confronted by bandits thus far. He had killed. Murdered. He had felt unbridled emotion flow out of him from the green-tinged clouds of this hellhole and burn a man until he was nothing more than cinders. Had heard that man scream and felt nothing but satisfaction twisting like a knife in his gut.

He wretched again- falling to his knees as he had done when he had passed the burnt patch where the shemlen had been before and hurling whatever was still in his stomach out as if it were poisoned.

He swept his hair back from his face, ignoring the sticky strands while he tied it back with a thin vine. He sighed. His hair hadn’t been this long since before he left the Free Marches. He forced himself back to his feet.

He drifted. There was a lake. It was a brownish color. It would probably have looked reddish if not for the green sky. He tripped and fell into it. He was almost grateful. It was dark behind his eyelids. When had they closed? Water is cold.

Something touched his leg.


	4. Abyss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Nightmare is still working on figuring Adelin out... maybe a fear of things related to water is due for some inspection?

It wrapped around him slowly. He didn’t even notice it until it snapped tight- taut and strong like a bowstring, but- more muscular… -alive-. It circled up and around his left leg all the way up to where his hip began, then dragged him from the surface of the green-brown lake until he couldn’t see anything at all.

He struggled to break free, kicking his legs and trying to claw off the tentacle, but it had virtually no effect. He couldn’t tell if it was getting darker because he was moving deeper into the lake or if he was just running out of air. His lungs burned, his throat ached, and he was desperate to escape no matter what. The lightning would shock him too if he called it forth right now but he was all out of options.

He had forgotten that the lightning would also reveal whatever monster was pulling him down.

He forced out all the lightning he could muster into the surrounding water, scaring away fish and eel-like creatures, but still the vine-like tendril dragged him deeper.

It felt like an eternity before he finally felt the thing begin to slow down. When he did, he found that he was suddenly shifting from being dragged down through hundreds of feet of water to being pulled up and into some kind of cavern at the bottom of the sea.

Coughing and sputtering, the tentacle still wound around his leg as he hung upside down over the water, Adelin sent out a second burst of energy aimed just below his foot- where the tentacle was.

He immediately regretted that decision.

Corpses. Millions of them. Hanging from the ceiling just beyond his own foot by their necks, brought back to life like those in Crestwood, but hanged to death like the bodies found in the Emerald Graves. Below him too, a sea of foam filled with sharks as big as trade ships- much bigger than the ones that had followed his ship over from the Free Marches. 

All of them jumped towards him- snapping their jaws or moaning like the tune to a sadistic lullaby. His own screams were drowned out in the ensuing crescendo. His heartbeat leapt up into his ears, racing like a rabbit that had a fox on it’s heels. He gasped for air in the dank cavern, the smell of gore and rot filling his lungs like a poison. 

Then the tentacle moved again. It pulled him first closer to the Undead- close enough that he felt a few of them scratching at his boots. Then lowering him enough that had he not had the forethought to bend up at the waist and grab on to the tentacle, he might be missing his head by now. He screamed again, he didn’t know what else to do. His whole body was shuddering in its panic, lungs burning for an entirely different reason now as air filled and left his lungs too quickly for his body to even begin to process.

It finally dragged him away from those horrible things- he could hear the receding moans and snaps of jaws, felt the slight breeze pull at his hair. He was completely blind once more. It was getting colder. It wasn’t long before he felt frost take to his hair, then working its way down from the tips of his dripping ears to his half-numb toes. It was like one of Solas’s ice spells was at work.

He shivered, teeth chattering so hard that he thought he might break them. He hadn’t been this cold since the flight from Haven.

Was that the memory this thing was leading him to? Why? How could anything have possible gotten worse back there?

...oh…

At some point the creature had vanished- merely leaving the ghostly feeling of that tentacle curled up to his hip. He had been walking on his own- or perhaps he had never moved at all. Maybe this demon was just shifting the scenes below his feet over and over again. He would have to find out later.

Right now, an entirely new horror show awaited him.


	5. Safe Haven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haven from the perspective of a viewer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: Added Cole into the mix because somehow I forgot about him.

He felt his stomach try to heave once more, but there was nothing left for it to revolt against.

On the ground before him lay Haven as it had once been.

Before the avalanche, before the Red Templars had swarmed down from the mountain to attack, before The Elder One had tried to take away his mark, before he was a hero. Back when most people would still call him by his shemlen name.

The only difference was that this time, he got to watch. he was frozen- literally and figuratively- forced to watch what would have happened to Haven if he had not been there.

He watched Cullen make one last, desperate stand with everyone that could hold a sword. He watched Solas, Cassandra, Varric and Blackwall try to load the trebuchet- and fail. He watched the Elder One crest the mountaintop, laughing at the Inquisition soldiers that he killed with but a wave of his hand.

The trebuchet couldn’t be loaded, couldn’t be fired, Corypheus couldn’t be stopped. The dragon set everything on fire, making sounds like shattering glass and crunching bone when it landed. 

He watched as the creature slowly hunted down each of his friends- Cassandra was thrown against the mountainside so hard that he was able to hear every bone in her body break. Then the dragon scooped Blackwall up in it’s talons, melted a small hole through the ice covering the lake, and let the Grey Warden sink like a stone. Varric was snapped up between the beast’s jaws from the waist down, still alive and screaming as Bianca fell to the ground and the beast shook its head back and forth like the dwarf was a simple rag doll. Solas cast a wall of ice before himself, gathered ice armor atop his clothing, even froze the creature’s foot to the ground for a moment. The beast burned the elf alive. Not even his bones fell back to the ground. There was nothing but dust.

It took flight again. The scene shifted. Now he watched as Cullen herded everyone into the Chantry, killed by a careless swipe of the monster’s tail. He watched Leliana try to defend Harrit and a few other stragglers from the dragon as they ran between it’s legs and into the large stone building, only for her to be lifted up by Corypheus himself, held aloft by the throat until he crushed the last of her life away.

Sera and Vivienne were swallowed whole. Iron Bull was ripped limb from limb by Red Templar Behemoths. Cole tried to free the horses so that at least they could escape, and some Blighted mage -an Inquisition mage- knocked him out, stole a horse, and ran. It didn't take long for Corypheus to put the poor boy in some kind of cage- probably to be experimented on later. Krem almost suffered the same fate as Bull, but he kept dodging and pulling his hands free of the ropes. Finally one of the Behemoths just dropped a giant rock of corrupted Lyrium on top of him- crushing him slowly, each breath harder as he fought against the rock. 

Josephine’s death was probably the worst. With no one else to turn to, and desperation in their eyes, the villagers shoved the diplomat out of the more-protected dungeon/basement of the Chantry, locking her out to face Corypheus on her own. The Darkspawn entered alone, but his dragon was waiting patiently outside like some well-trained Mabari. She opened her mouth to speak, and then… she exploded. She was everywhere. She hadn’t even had time to react. With a smirk, Corypheus turned his back and left, barring the doors behind him from the outside. His beast set the last of the building on fire.

Haven was lost once more.

Adelin felt tears rolling down his cheeks. He was numb from terror, from disgust, from sadness. He was angry, he was sure. Somewhere. What even was anger? What was he angry at? This was his head. This was his fault. He should be able to stop this. He should have been able to help. To move. To save them. They had all burned because he couldn’t do the one thing he was supposed to do. He had let them all die.

Corypheus and his dragon flew away- but they flew towards him. Or, the place where he was suspended in the sky.

“Now, what have you learned, Apprentice Lavellan?” Corypheus asked, eyes trained on the elf.

Adelin heard himself speaking, but he wasn’t the one saying those words.

“The dragon should have let at least one person go. Let them spread the fear to whatever village they can find. Or at least something for me to play with. Watching is becoming quite boring.”

“Ah, but I did spare one. Just for you. Did you not see?” The Elder One asked, spiked fingertip pointing down to a man that was doing a terrible job of sneaking to the stables- trying to get a horse, no doubt.

Adelin felt his heart stop- his real heart, not the one of this “Apprentice”. This monster had no heart. They moved down to the ground near the man as a unit.


	6. Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Apprentice and Dorian

The Apprentice walked forward calmly, taking smooth strides that would have made Josephine proud.

“A-ama..tus.” Dorian gave a half hearted smile and shuffled forward through the snowy ground, away from the stable. 

His robes were ripped and stained with blood and soot, his staff- what was left of it- appeared to have been chewed in half. His inky black hair hung in his eyes, stuck to his head with sweat and grime in several places. He was cradling one arm, the one that had the clear impression of a fisted hand in the armor, chunks of red lyrium glittering in his skin and making his blood practically glow as it oozed out of him.

“Adelin… help me, please.” The altus begged. Adelin felt more than heard Corypheus move behind him, but the horror on Dorian’s face was clear.

“Adelin! Move!” Dorian cried, throwing himself between the Apprentice and Corypheus despite his injuries. He held his broken staff at an awkward angle, gathering flames around him until…

Until Adelin’s hand slipped a dagger between his ribs. Dorian gasped. Adelin withdrew the knife, switched hands so that his blood-slick fingers would not lose their grip on the blade, then stabbed him again. Another gasp of shock and pain left Dorian as both of his lungs began to fill with blood. Warmth bled across the elf’s pale digits. Dorian looked at him over his shoulder, hurt and confusion clear on his already glassy eyes.

“Adelin? Wh-” He was cut off again as the Apprentice spun him around, pressing their lips together in a macabre and bloody kiss, then digging the blade deep into the Tevinter’s chest near his heart and releasing as much electricity as he had ever felt directly into him.

Adelin could feel himself screaming, could feel the blood on his hands, could feel the magic moving out of him and watched as his body killed the man he loved. He felt the last string of his heart snap. 

And suddenly there was just silence. Just darkness. There was nothing left of Adelin Lavellan, The Inquisitor, or Adalehn’anasal. Today he had died. Betrayed by his own mind. Today was the day that an elf was murdered, and his very own heart was the weapon of his destruction.


	7. Blink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Transition chapter so that we can get these guys back to Skyhold and have some more fun :3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry Addie I don't mean to torture you so much XD

In the waking world, Solas was fighting to keep his eyes open. He was able to keep a small cleansing field around himself and Adelin, but the other two were on their own. Not that the toxin in the air seemed to be bothering them, but for as long as the two elves could not safely breathe they were all trapped. Solas would not be able to carry Adelin, and since the field was only just large enough for the two elven mages to be inside of together, they were stuck.

So far nothing had really attacked them. The Iron Bull had easily done away with the few Gibbering Horrors that had shown up.

Finally, Iron Bull let out a low growl.

“This is stupid. We can’t just keep sitting here waiting for that Nightmare thing to find us! We need to move.”  “But The Iron Bull, Solas said that they can’t breathe here.”

“So then we should get them back to a place where they can breathe then, shouldn’t we?”

“And how might you suggest we go about that, Bull? Please, tell me. I am all ears.” Solas growled up at the two men. He had a headache from focusing on the spell for so long. Whatever this toxin was it was powerful. Lesser elven mages would have succumbed much sooner. 

This spell was really only meant to shield one person at a time from the waist up. Right now Adelin’s head laid in Solas’s lap, and Solas was bent over slightly so that he could make the field as short and fat as possible to encompass them both.

“I’ll carry you both on my horns if I have to. We’re moving out. Now.”

“And just who decided to make you our new leader?”

“The Iron Bull is already a leader. He’s the Captain of the Bull’s Chargers, remember? He’s probably the best suited to lead us right now anyway.” Cole replied to the elf’s venom kindly.

Solas gave a frustrated huff, but didn’t argue further. He crossed his arms over his chest and did his best to focus on not breaking the spell while Bull lifted the unconscious elf up in his arms. Luckily, if Solas walked close enough, he could make the bubble fairly small. The only problem was when they had to fight.

Cole would scout ahead in stealth first, then come back and warn them if there were enemies ahead. Bull would slowly set Adelin back down on the ground with Solas, whose head started pounding from the amount of magic he was being forced to use by this point, then charge forward with the young spirit-boy to clear them out. 

They found Hawke and Stroud not long after they started moving, thankfully. Apparently they had gotten lost when that sound demon had attacked.

Solas was grinding his teeth to try and take his mind off his headache now. But they were making progress, steadily making their way to the hole in the Fade that led to their freedom.

It took Solas a long time to realize that Adelin was awake. They were almost to their destination now. He was staring up blankly at the sky, still limp in Bull’s arms. Of course it was only for a few moments, then the Inquisitor let his eyes fall shut again. The gas in the air was probably even more taxing on him, given that he has a perpetual “open wound” to magics due to his mark.

Brushing it aside, they kept moving until the Nightmare itself blocked their path. Adelin’s eyes snapped open as soon as the creature set its foot down. He took his staff from Solas, eyes blank and listless, but moving with the practiced ease of one who had been fighting monsters all his life. It was as if he was only there in the form of raw instinct- attacking, defending. The Nightmare didn’t even taunt him, although Solas suspected that the elf wouldn’t have replied any way.

Finally, they were able to escape- save for Stroud.

Adelin barely spoke for the remainder of the assault on Adamant. He did not speak unless spoken to, and even then there was a slight delay. Like his voice was trying to figure out how his lips worked again. Cole seemed very wary of him.


	8. Cole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter is written from Cole's perspective.

Adahlen’anasal was wrong. He was right, but he was wrong. There was darkness inside him. Now, something more than darkness. It was like the darkness feared him. Shadows lurched away from the elf, desperate to not be stepped on. His own shadow was almost never there.

He hadn’t gone outside much since he returned to Skyhold. I’ve watched him. He is wrong. He blinks when he thinks no one sees, but I see. I see it. Adajlen’anasal- dead, alive. Right, but wrong. A puppet, a shadow darker than all the other shadows and tinged with green.

I can’t see him. Normally it’s the mark that too bright- counting birds against the sun, but the brightness is so dark now. It’s a shining star, pinpointed in the center of a night sky with clouds covering everything else. Darker than black. Terror. Fear. This is not Adahlen’anasal.


	9. Intervention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cole and Dorian finally step up to figure out what's wrong with Adelin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry my loves! I had most of this already written I've just been putting off finishing it because I couldn't decide which way the story should swirl. Anyways, enjoy!

Adelin blinked his glassy eyes. He was watching again. Whenever he didn’t pass out from fear or exhaustion, the things in this place truly enjoyed tormenting him. Sometimes he would get glimpses of the real world- talking to the Advisors over the war table, Dorian smiling at him, taking a hit in the middle of a fight- it was the real world he was looking at, right? had they…?

Of course they had. He was watching them do it now. They had left him behind in the Fade. He was trapped with no way out. Right? Which one was real? Am I even real any more?

He had hardly spoken in either world. The one he was in now was green and craggy. He saw Stroud once. He wasn’t sure why. The other one was the one that he always acted as normally as he possibly could in. He still wasn’t sure which world he should be fighting to get out of, so in one he was the stoic leader and in the other he was the savage rogue- honing skills he was forced to learn because the things had shut off all his magic.

One day he was sitting on his bed in the real world, when Cole appeared with a dagger at the elf’s throat.

“Which one are you?” Cole begged, eyes pleading but blades insistent.

“Which one am I in?” The elf had replied.

“The real one. Or at least, the one that’s real for you. Why can’t I read you?”

“The Mark?”

“No, you’re dark now. A single star at the bottom of a pit. A piece of armor glinting in the sun from the bottom of a lake. The heart that scares even shadows away, sends them scrambling off in fear. You are not him, but you are. Which one are you?”

“I am him. But I am also the other him.” He droned in a hollowed out voice.

“The other him has a name too.”

“The other him is called the Apprentice.”

“Why?” The blades pulled back from his throat slightly.

“He belongs to Corypheus. Another pet. Another weapon. Like the dragon.”

“The Elder One has control of you?”

“No. Yes. No? I…”

“Cole, what are you doing!?” Dorian cried, sprinting up the stairs with magic already pulling into his palms. He didn’t have his staff. Which was good, because he might have already attacked Cole if he did. Spells were so much slower and harder without the focus point.

“Dorian, he is not Adahlen’anasal. Not completely. He’s the Apprentice.”

“Make sense, would you? Now get off of him!” The mage growled.

Adelin stayed where he was, splayed out on the bed with his long legs bent over the edge, eyes facing Dorian.

“Tell him what you are!” Cole pleaded without moving.

“I am him and also him. I am them. I think? There are two now. Two halves of a whole. One cannot be without the other, but now they clash too much. Only one can Be at a time.”

“What does that mean?” Dorian asked, letting his fire spell slowly disperse. Whatever words Adelin was speaking right now, that was not a normal speech pattern for the elf. Nor was that his usual voice. That tone was the one he used when he was practically dead on his feet from lack of sleep and too much paperwork.

“It means that something is broken, bent, burst- like a dam made of threads that was cut with cat’s claws one by one. The darkness fears him, but he fears the darkness. A shadow afraid of shadows. A shadow that thrives in shadows. It’s… hard to explain. I can’t see him, but not because the mark is too bright. I can’t see him now because he is nearly black.”

Dorian looked warily between his motionless lover and the frightened spirit, not sure who to trust. Both were looking over at him with the same expression- a touch of fear and confusion mixed in with a glassiness to their eyes that was not unusual for Cole and his pale blue eyes, but for Adelin was completely out of character. His eyes usually told Dorian exactly what he was thinking, feeling, what he wasn’t saying and what he was as well. The eyes that were usually so full of life and love were matte yellow, no longer shining gold. And when the elf smiled softly, slowly pushing Cole away from him and sitting upright… Dorian knew that it wasn’t Adelin he was looking at. That smile was tinged with malice.

“Cole-”

The spirit had thrown a knockout bomb at Adelin as soon as Dorian had spoken. 

“Sorry.”

“Cole!”

“I didn’t know what else to do! He was black and red…”

Dorian paused at that, cutting off the tongue lashing he had been on the verge of spitting out.

“...What do you mean he was red?”

“Like the templars. The red ones. But… that’s not why I did it. I did it because every time the red shines out, the green wipes away a little smaller. You can’t tell?”

“He has been… quiet, lately.” Dorian supplied. He didn’t want to admit that he had honestly thought that this was just Adelin’s way of dealing with losing Stroud.

“Maybe Solas can help? He likes the Fade. And spirits too. Maybe he can make the bad one leave.” Cole supplied a few minutes later.

“You think this has something to do with spirits?”

“Maybe. The red one doesn’t like me much. I think he knows I can see him.”

“...Yes, quite. Fetch Solas for me then, will you?”

And with that, the blonde was gone.

Dorian cautiously walked closer to the red head- not really sure what he was planning to do or what was going to happen, but fearful and cautious all the same.

“Adelin, don’t worry. We’ll figure this out. I didn’t fight all the way through the bloody Fade just for you to get lost in it. Stay strong, amatus. I will tear the Fade apart myself if I must.” The Tevinter promised, crossing the elf’s arms together and then using a binding spell on his wrists and ankles in case this… “other” suddenly appeared. He went to lay a gentle kiss on Adelin’s forehead, but something stopped him- a faint red spark like static arced away from the elf and towards Dorian’s lips, but he shied back away from it just in time. Whatever this was, it was powerful. And that meant that this was going to be extremely difficult. 

 

Whatever “this” was.


	10. Down the Rabbit Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian and Solas begin the hunt for the Apprentice.

Solas ran into the room like his hair was on fire.

Dorian would have laughed at his own joke if he weren’t currently using every ounce of willpower he had not to touch Adelin. Solas approached the other elf, the blue-green mix of ice and spirit magic glowing at his hands. Cole had made a small scratch at Adelin’s throat where his knife had been. What was odd was that Solas’s magic didn’t seem to be healing it. Adelin’s own magic didn’t seem to be healing him, for that matter. Usually when a mage was at rest their magic was more than happy to put itself to use healing.

But the small cut stayed, collecting red dew drops that slowly inched their way through Adelin’s scruff. Scruff on Adelin was also unusual- the elf had no love for his own facial hair.

Cole reappeared in a puff of smoke on the bed near the pillows.

“That won’t work. Corypheus doesn’t like healing magic, so neither does he.”

Solas turned wide, questioning eyes up to the spirit for a moment, then drew away as he let the magic fade. He turned to face Dorian, who was sitting on the white sofa nearby, idly maintaining the red-green ropes of energy holding Adelin’s wrists and ankles together- just in case something went wrong. 

Because let’s face it, with Adelin, something will -always- go wrong. Like right now. When Adelin is waking up with a look on his face that is very not-Adelin-like. It was more like a shark’s grin than anything else.

The red head sat up, head cocked to the side while he blinked hard gold eyes at the other elf. He was grinning, obviously trying to hide it but failing miserably when his shoulders started to quake and a cackle erupted from his throat. Solas simply sat back, watching the scene before him unfold. Dorian was almost afraid he would have to cast a binding spell on himself to keep from either running to his elf’s side or attacking him.

He was saved the trouble when the laughter was abruptly cut off by Adelin throwing himself forward like some kind of wild animal teeth-first at the bald elf’s throat. Of course, with three other men in the room who were as well-versed in combat as they were, it wasn’t hard to keep the crazed elf from hurting Solas. Cole materialized between them with a shield, shoving Adelin back so that he fell on the floor. His wrists were still tied, but the mana ropes around his ankles had loosened slightly. Adelin had obviously used some of his own magic to weaken them while he was distracting everyone with that creepy laugh- the red-green of fire and spirit magic mixed together was laced with the elf’s signature purple storm- and was now being re-laced with Solas’s white-blue ice as he helped to restrain their crazed friend.

Cole and Dorian together hauled the hissing, animalistic man into a high-backed chair. Solas pulled up another chair so that the two elves sat facing each other.

They sat in silence for a long time before Solas finally spoke.

“You are not Adelin.”

“Yes I am.”

“No, you are not.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Prove it.”

“Enter this place in peace, clansmen. Your name is Pride. I am a member of Clan Water Shrew. His name is Cole and that’s Dorian, my beloved.”

“That is correct.”

“See? It’s me! Forest Joy!” The elf beamed, shark-smiling with stolen golden eyes. Dorian looked at Solas from behind Adelin’s chair, one eyebrow quirked up in an obvious question.

“However, you seem to have forgotten your mother tongue, Adalen’anasal. Something you and I both know is not possible. You have explained to me that you tend to “think” in the language of the common tongue, as it helped you to master it in the short period of time you had before journeying to the Conclave, but you could never forget the true words of your mother tongue. You speak almost as though you have never heard Elvhen aloud before, which would make sense if you are a construct of the true Adalen’anasal’s mind. You are not the Inquisitor. So tell me. Who are you?” The bald elf asked, rising slowly out of his chair. He was obviously growing impatient- shadows were gathering around his broad shoulders and head in the shape of a wolf with six glowing eyes- a trick Dorian had taught him in case the elf ever needed to use a Fear spell to scare off enemies. Well, “taught” maybe isn’t the correct word, but there are more pressing matters to attend to.

“I want to speak to Adahlen’anasal.”

“I am he.”

“No, you are not. Where is he?”

“He is here.”

“Where is the mind that existed in this body prior to your influence upon it?”

“Ah! That one.” The elf began; “The weak one. The one that shivered and shattered and screamed? The one that begged for it all to stop with every breath, begged for his gods and then for Andraste and then the Maker? Begged for someone- anyone- when none of them came to his aid? The one that crumpled to the ground in a heap when he felt the blood of his friends on his hands? The one that’s wandering, lost, not alive but not quite dead either? The one I’m off to kill, right now?”

“WHAT?!” Dorian screeched, Cole’s surprisingly strong arms coming around his chest and arms to hold the Tevinter back.

The Apprentice turned his head to look at Dorian at one of the most unnatural angles any of them had ever seen a person perform without breaking their neck.

“Oh, you didn’t notice? How cute. I’ve been slowly killing him- letting him come back here just so that I can rip him apart even more each time he returns to me. Killing you always hurts him the most, I think. He screams so much he attracts demons sometimes. Perhaps he will become Despair?” The elf giggled, turning away from the paling face of the dark-skinned Pyromancer.

Solas stood up from his chair, crossed the distance between himself and the redhead in two and a half strides, then punched the Inquisitor so hard that everyone in the room heard every single one of the bald elf’s knuckles crack. Or perhaps that was Adelin’s jaw cracking? At any rate, he was now gazing woozily around the room while Solas himself made his way over to the bed and borrowed a pillow. 

“Cole, I need you to-”

“Yes.” He replied and poofed away again, reappearing moments later with four vials filled with a blackish-green liquid.

“I only need two.”

“Dorian and I should come too.”

“No, absolutely not.”

“Come where?” Dorian chimed in,finally finding his voice.

“I’m going into the Fade. I must find Adalen’anasal before this… “Apprentice” can... damage him any further.”

“You are not going to go waltzing about inside his head unsupervised! I won’t allow it!”

“I am not capable of healing him and protecting you two at the same time! Besides, I will need someone to stay behind in the event that… In case I fail, or in case this evil tries to take another host.”

“AND JUST WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT EXACTLY?” Dorian roared, bits of rage dancing at his fingertips at the implication.

“I believe I would be the most qualified to stay behind.” Cullen interjected as he strode up the stairs. He held a clipboard in his hand, obviously on his way to tell the Inquisitor some important news before he had overheard their argument.

“Soft, silent, serene. Couldn’t stop it. Can’t let it spread any further- like cutting away frostbitten toes. Can’t let this slow down all the good we’ve done. He wouldn’t want it like that. End the suffering before it begins- if it’s too late already?”

“I-I have no idea what’s going on, but… I will do whatever is needed of me. Just tell me what to do.”

The two coherent mages locked into an epic stare-battle for a few moments before Solas finally sighed and gave in.

“Here.” He handed the mage a vial. “Drink this at the same exact time that I do. Cole, I would still prefer that you stay with Cullen. We don’t know who- or what- any of us are going to wake up as from this. You might be able to give everyone some warning because of your natural connection to the Fade. Cullen, if any of us wake up and act… strangely… kill us. Disable us. Do whatever you must do. We might all wake up Abominations for all that I know.”

The human nodded, standing at attention like the soldier he was. Even though he would REALLY like it if someone tried to explain what was going on to him. He’d probably have to try to figure it out via Cole. Well, at least the next however long he’d be standing watch wouldn’t be boring, trying to figure out the endless maze-game that was Talking To Cole For Fun.

Solas turned back to the spirit boy and handed him the third vial, snapping his fingers so that the liquid was given a red-gold tinge.

“As soon as I start drinking this, do whatever you have to do to force this potion down his throat.” He gestured towards Adelin, who was still blinking like he was trying to stay awake. His eyes were shifting from red to gold with the potion.

“Dorian, sit down. This is a powerful sleeping draught mixed with a few other ingredients that are meant to help me locate specific people or spirits in the Fade while I dream. Once it hits your stomach, you will be asleep.” He snapped his fingers to emphasize his point. “You and I should wake up relatively close to each other, but if we do not, stay where you are until I can find you. We’ll come up with the rest of the plan from there.

“I take it by “there” you mean Adelin’s head?” Dorian asked as he sat down on the floor, Solas following suit.

“Yes. Adelin’s draught is slightly different in that it acts as a sort of map-marker that only the two of us can see. Look for something either red or gold- the color of his eyes. I’ll be able to explain more once we’re asleep. Now come, we are wasting time.” Solas finished, popping the cork off his bottle and the slowly counting down on his fingers so that the three of them all took the potion in tandem. 

“Down the rabbit hole they go.” Was the last thing either of them heard Cole add before the were asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It'll probably be a while before I have time to write the chapter after this one, but I hope you enjoyed it!


	11. Fire Fox is Loading

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fox in the Fade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha! Plot twist- I have no homework two days in a row!!

Dorian’s head hit the floor with a dull thud and an appropriate ‘oomph’ sound escaping him as it did so.

Muttering about “Blighted elves” and “not giving me a pillow as well, the arse.” he sat up, gently rubbing his temple where it had smacked against…

Dorian stood up, pulling his staff into his hand with but a thought. Well, not his real staff, but the weight of the wooden stave helped put him at ease in his newly distressing environs. He appeared to be in some strange, fear-corrupted version of the Fade, almost the same as what Adelin and the others had described upon returning from Adamant.

“Dorian.”

A sudden voice interrupted his thoughts and made him twirl around in surprise.

“Solas.” He relaxed slightly. He still kept the construct of his staff in his hand though. Solas appeared to have the same idea.

“So, the plan?”

“The plan is already in motion. We are in the Fade, and so is Adalen'anasal, along with this ‘Apprentice’. Now all we must do is walk until we find him. Or find the Inquisitor- preferably with the two being as far away from each other as possible.”

“Yes, quite. Lead the way then.”

They walked for miles in silence- or maybe it was only a few steps? It was impossible to tell in this wretched place. What felt like hours of dragging boots out of mud, picking bits of gravel out from between toes and using gentle fire spells to dry socks later, something caught Dorian’s eye.

It was there and then gone- just a flash of gold among the sickly green and black landscape. But still…

“Solas?”

“Mm?”

“I think I saw something- a flash of gold-”

Both mages stopped and stood stock still as something darted across the path before them- something that was glowing red.

“ _Fasta vas_ , what was that?”

“Fascinating.”

“That’s just your way of saying ‘Oh shit, I have no idea’ isn’t it?”

“I still wonder at times what Adalen’anasal sees in you, as it is obviously not the cleanliness of your tongue that drew him in.”

Dorian barked a dry laugh and replied "What, really? Me? A foul mouth? _No…_ I'll have you know I brush my teeth every day." before the thing darted back across the path once more- this time behind the pair.

Staves in hand the two mages turned and stood back to back, ready to cast any spell they might need- if they needed them at all.

“Show yourself!” Dorian cried after the creature had made a few more passes, and was surprised to find…

 

 

 

 

 

“...Is that a fox?”

“It would appear so.” Solas replied, peering over Dorian’s shoulder at the animal that was currently sitting in the middle of the path that they had just walked.

“A glowing, spirit fox that just so happens to have Adelin’s golden eyes and wine-colored hair? Is that just a coincidence?”

“This is the Fade, Dorian. There are no coincidences.”

“Ah. _Lovely._ So then Adelin has turned into a wild animal?”

“Not exactly, no.” Solas moved closer to the fox. He held a hand out to the animal, but it only eyed him warily- looking all too much like it might run off again.

With surprising strength the elf dragged Dorian’s hand down, palm facing up towards the fox. The creature immediately ran forward, climbed Dorian’s arm (avoiding Solas as much as possible) and settled across his shoulders like he had always belonged there. Despite most likely being a construct of the Fade, the creature felt surprisingly real- down to the soft fur and slight weight of it.

Reaching up Dorian gently lifted the cat-like creature from his shoulders, holding it below its armpits so that its legs and tail dangled toward the ground. The fox simply went limp, like a house cat, letting Dorian coax and coddle it until he was holding it in his arms in the same fashion one carried a stack of books, silky red tail flowing over Dorian's elbow and dangling towards the ground.

“Fascinating.”

“Will you please stop saying that?”

“I believe it is an incarnation of Adelin’s soul- his “spirit animal” if you prefer.” Solas began, ignoring Dorian altogether. “All creatures that have access to the Fade have one- a companion and guide for those who are lost. Some theories believe that these are the creatures that guide us through the Fade and into the next world. Although, most spirit animals prefer to only be near their human host- I have never seen one behave like this before.”

“And I take it you’ve seen these things before then?” Trying to wrap his mind around the idea that Adelin truly was the Fox of the Inquisition. Josephine would definitely find this amusing when they returned.

“You could say that, yes.” Solas gave a wolfish grin- For a moment, Dorian could have sworn he saw six green eyes blink at them from a far away ridge, but he couldn’t be sure…

“At any rate, this is what the potion was meant to activate. This is our guide to Adalen’anasal.”

“How is it going to lead us to Adelin when it’s falling asleep in my arms?” Dorian asked, slightly annoyed at the lack of urgency the creature seemed to feel. Then again, Adelin always acted like this when he was the one in danger- calm, cool, collected… and a bit drowsy.

“You will have to ask it.”

“Why me? Why don’t you do something useful for a change?” Dorian snapped. The fox licked soothingly at Dorian’s fingers.

“It does not appear to trust me.” Solas replied, moving his hand near the fiery fox’s face, to which it bristled and growled until Solas moved his hand back to his side.

“Point taken. Fine, then. Fox, lead us to Adelin.” Dorian commanded, bending down and returning the graceful creature to the ground.

It turned in a circle, sat down, and sneezed.

“Ugh, _please?_ We are in a bit of a hurry here.”

The fox yipped happily, then turned and began to trot ahead of the group. As it moved, the glowing red-gold of its fur illuminated the path like a beacon.

Dorian walked behind the fox, with Solas behind him- Fox didn’t seem to like having Solas near its back, it would seem. When demons came near, the fox would growl, fur bristling and light intensifying to the point where it was difficult to see the animal itself without having to shield one’s eyes. Despite this and other pit stops (Solas fell into a puddle that was deeper than he was tall quite suddenly), the group moved fairly quickly. Finally, they came upon something that was out of place, even in the Fade.

The drawbridge of Skyhold.

It held a faint red-purple glow to it- like everything was covered in a red-lyrium-and-lightning varnish. Inside, Dorian saw Adelin putting Riversong through her paces for the enjoyment of the sick and wounded. After Adelin had show horses for the first time he had insisted in having his own mare learn the graceful techniques, and he often showed her off when nobles came to visit- much to Josephine’s delight. Or chagrin, depending upon the noble.

“Adelin!” Dorian cried, running towards the elf recklessly.

“Dorian, wait!” Solas cried, but the human wasn’t listening. Fox somehow found his way up to Dorian’s shoulders again, balancing there as the two mages ran towards their goal.

  
For once, things might _actually_ go the way they were intended to- which is honestly the most amazing development in Adelin’s life so far. And in Dorian’s professional opinion, Adelin led a _very_ interesting life.


	12. A Wolf, a Peacock, and A Fox walk into a bar...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eh. It's pretty much all there in the title.

Dorian ran towards the gates of Skyhold at a sprint- stopping short and sending Fox tumbling forward when he slammed face-first into some sort of invisible barrier.

“What the BlOoDy HeLL?! SOLAS!” He exclaimed, outraged as he pinched his nose to stop the sudden flow of blood.

“I tried to warn you,” Solas panted; “You won’t be able to pass through without your own spirit animal.” He finished, helping the human back to his feet.

“Could you not have mentioned that a bit sooner?” Dorian growled, glad when his hand finally came away clean of blood. Well. Clean enough.

“Perhaps. However, if you had simply listened to me-”

“Stop that, you two. We don’t have time for this.” A third voice joined in on the conversation.

Dorian and Solas blinked at each other, then turned in unison to look at Fox, who was sitting just beyond the edge of the invisible barrier.

“Fascinating.”

“Solas, I swear upon the Maker-”

“ENOUGH!” Fox yelled, muzzle somehow forming the words of a language it shouldn’t have been capable of understanding, much less speaking.

Once they were silent again, Fox turned his sharp golden gaze upon Solas.

“Elf, teach him how to summon his Guardian. If you do not hasten your pace, I will be forced to leave you in order to protect my true host.”

“But, you’re the spirit of what was once a natural fox, how can you be-”

“I will explain when my host is no longer in danger of being swallowed whole by his darkness. Teach him, now!” The creature snapped, hackles rising slightly.

With a nod, Solas moved to face Dorian, with a generous length of space between them.

“Right then. Dorian, I’m afraid that I do not have time to show you how to properly summon your spirit guide, but mine should be able to bring yours here once I order it to do so. Once my animal brings yours forth, you must find a way to call to it on your own. That is how you will summon it from here on out each time you require a guide within the Fade. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

Solas nodded, more to himself than to Dorian, then cupped his hands to his mouth and howled out into the distance.

Mere seconds later, a massive wolf that looked as if it were made from the midnight sky itself appeared between the two mages. Three toxic green eyes set in a massive, horse-sized skull blinked at Dorian, then turned over an ox-like set of shoulders to peer at the elf.

“Fen’elgar, shiral ghilani Dorian Pavus’elgar.”

The wolf disappeared for another moment, then returned with a large, faintly iridescent bird perched upon its shoulders, seemingly asleep.

“...Is that a peacock?”

“It would appear so, yes.”

“...Right then. What am I supposed to do now?”

“Call to it. Right now it is in a state of stasis, but once it is awoken-”

“-Yes, yes, we’re running short of time Solas.” Dorian cut the elf off, whistling a simple tune that his mother had once taught him to use if he were to ever find himself lost in his dreams. She told him it was the song that her own mother had taught her when they discovered she was a mage. It was meant to bring his mother or father forth if ever he met a demon he was unable to face alone. It only seemed fitting that something that could actually protect him come to this sound now.

The bird shivered, lifting its head and hopping to the ground. It peered up at Dorian, silver eyes reflecting back into silver eyes.

“Right then. Do you have a name?”

The bird moved its beak but made only soft bird noises.

“He cannot speak until he is within a realm of a dream. Reality is warped within them. Even more so than in the Fade.” Fox explained.

“Ah, of course. Silly me. How could I have forgotten. Shall we?” Dorian asked, though if he was talking to Solas, the wolf or his new peacock it was uncertain. Either way, the strange circus finally gathered itself up, and each of them proudly strode forward into the realm of Adelin’s Dreams.


	13. Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To further clarify- Canicus means "born of fire".
> 
> Yes, Canicus is also the name of the Peacock spirit animal that has the ability to light itself on fire.
> 
> Yes the flames are blue.
> 
> Of course the flames are sparkly.
> 
> Thank you for your time.

**“Name him.”** Fox commanded, tail swishing back and forth impatiently with his eyes boring into Dorian. He had one red eye now…

“What?”

“Name. Your. Guide. Quickly. I cannot remain much longer.” Fox half-growled, pacing anxiously back and forth a few meters away from the group.

“Name you?” Dorian responded, looking down at his new pet.

“Yes- I have no name until you give me one. A guardian without a name is susceptible to corruption and misguidance- hence the reason Fox came looking for you. He has no name because he was summoned as a result of an outcry by Adelin’s soul itself- thus, he alone is incapable of saving Adelin. If he tried, he might kill the golden one and leave the red one behind. Or kill the red one and leave the golden one behind. Both of which would be-” The bird explained, talking quickly and jerking its head in every imaginable angle as it “spoke”- it was more like singing and chirping than speech.

“-Right then. Any name will do?” Dorian cut it off as gently as he could. He wasn’t quite sure what to make of his new… companion/pet/weird glowing animal guide yet.

“Any name that you choose from your heart.”

“My heart? Hmm…” The mage let himself wander into thought for a moment (figuratively, not literally. They had no reason to go back into the Fade just yet.), but Solas apparently got tired of waiting for him.

“Give him the name that you would have given yourself if you had the choice. For example, my wolf is named Fenriel.” He finished without further explanation, patting the huge animal on the head as if it were some kind of lap dog. The thing stood nearly as tall of Solas himself!

“...Canicus.” Dorian whispered under his breath, but the peacock perked up its blue head and nodded.

“Canicus? _Really?_ The fire mage wishes to be called ‘born of fire’?” A dark chuckle began from just across the invisible barrier. A red-eyed Adelin stood there, palm pressed flat against the glass bubble that blocked his path. Beneath his hand the barrier sparked with red lightning, each small static-like bolt creating a spidery crack in the surface of the field.

Fox pressed himself against Dorian’s ankles, claws digging into the dirt as he growled and spit at the Apprentice.

“Oh come now, it’s not that bad of a name!” Dorian half-joked, unsure of what else to do at the moment. This had been a very busy day as of late. Slowing down and getting some answers would most definitely be welcome right now.

“Dorian we need to go-” Solas began-

“Why? If he’s here why don’t we just kill him before he kills Adelin? That is the whole point of this quest, is it not?” The mage quipped, bringing flame to his fingertips with practiced ease.

“If you kill this Adalen’anasal then the other one will never again be complete.” The wolf grumble-growled, taking a few hulking steps forward in case Dorian decided to attack the offending elf anyway.

Before Dorian could protest further Fox took off at a sprint- running straight towards a pile of debris that formed itself into a staircase beneath his paws as he ran away.

Canicus and Fenriel both apparently took that as their cues to run as well, because they each took the time to scoop up their hosts and follow the small creature.

Dorian had both legs thrown over the shoulders of the bird with its blue head sticking out from in between them as it flew off after Fox into the sky, while Solas sat atop Fenriel as if the wolf were some manner of horse. The two seemed very at ease with each other- like they had done this hundreds of times before.

Fox was glowing a sort of reddish umber as he ran, but the further they got from Adelin’s red side the more golden the fox became until he was back to his normal coloring.

When at last they stopped, they were standing just outside the door to Adelin’s bedroom- which for whatever reason was hovering upside down in the center of a lonely tower like the kind a princess might be locked inside in a fairytale.

“You know, there’s a joke about knights in shining armor somewhere in here.” Canicus tittered, soaring ahead of the group to land on a platform that pulled itself together beneath his talons. Fox, Solas and Fenriel stopped not far behind.

There was a very sudden, very loud explosion coming from where the gates of Skyhold were.

“The barrier is broken. We must find my host _now_ , or risk losing him forever. I may not be able to help either of them if I become corrupted. You must find your way on your own from here. Dorian-” The small creature seared him with its gaze, eyes and fur already leaching red into their golden hue “Your heart and my host’s are so alike they are practically the same. You two are destined for this moment- your heart will lead you to him. Save him.”

And with that, Fox let himself fall through the floor and disappear on… a shining nightingale? Maker, this place was strange. Anyways, back to the upside-down doorway leading to hopefully the last hope this world has for defeating Corypheus and saving the world from being swallowed by Fade Rifts. Oh, and also the leader of a group that could change the very shape of Thedas. And Solas’s friend. And Dorian’s lover, possibly his soul mate, if Dorian was reading between the lines correctly when Fox last spoke.

No pressure there.

“Fascinat- **_OW!_** ”

“I tried to warn you.” Dorian mocked the elf’s earlier language.

“Is now _really_ an appropriate time for such childishness?” Solas grumped, rubbing the back of his head. The part that Dorian had just ‘lightly tapped’ with his staff.

“Of course not, but if I didn’t do it now I might not have the chance later. Maker, Sera must be rubbing off on me... Now, we should get going before Adelin’s dark half arrives, don’t you think?” Dorian asked, grabbing hold of the large circular ring that made up Adelin’s door knob and heaving the door open, abruptly being pulled through and onto the floor by the conflicting gravities.

As the world righted itself around him, Canicus, Solas, and Fenriel all managed to find their way inside- Solas landing none too gracefully on his arse and Canicus flapping his wings wildly to try and maintain some form of balance. Fenriel easily pounced from wall to floor until he too was able to figure out where the true gravity of this place was coming from, finally finding it and stopping a few steps later. The door swung closed above their heads, but a bright red glow was leaking through the cracks- steadily growing brighter.

“We need to find some way to seal the door- something that will slow him down until we find the other half.” Canicus twittered, folding his wings at last.

“And just how are we supposed to do that? Stack books up to the fucking _ceiling_ and hope the monster leaves us alone when he can’t open the door?” Dorian yelled in response, flinging his arms out to the sides in exasperation. The fastest route to Adelin was gone, their only advice to ‘follow your heart, Dorian’ and what did that even mean?

There was a loud thud on top of the door above their heads, abruptly cutting off everything else.

“How was he able to get up there so fast?” Fenriel grumbled.

“We are in a dream. Only the laws of imagination bind us now.”

“We are out of time. Dorian, Canicus, go. Fenriel and I can hold him off.” Solas barked orders, the dark wolf at his side baring its fangs at the door.

Dorian didn’t have time to respond before the red light seeping through the cracks in the wood became punctuated by the sound of someone trying to open the heavy door. Dorian looked at every direction he could possibly go in the three hallways that branched from where he now stood, choosing the one that appeared to have walls made out of books in the few seconds he was given. Canicus followed closely on the mage’s heels. Dorian heard Fenriel’s howl and the sounds of lightning and ice clashing against one another, running faster and faster until at last he reached a massive archway made of trees. Canicus took the lead and Dorian followed him step for lengthy step.

They ran out into the forest, noting a burned patch on the ground and the bodies of elves and humans lying all around. Dorian kept moving- something in his chest pulled at him to swim out into a dark colored lake, and thanks to the power of dreams- or perhaps nightmares- saw everything that Adelin had been through in all the time that he had been trapped here. Not the visions Adelin had seen, but he got a sense of the fear he felt- he saw his own fears as Adelin faced down the chameleon-like Aspects.

Visions flashing through his mind as if they were his own memories- Adelin, watching his friends die. Adelin, stabbing Dorian and screaming on the inside as the elf watched his fake body fall to the snow. He watched everything- Adelin hunting through the ‘forest’, chasing Aspects of the Nightmare that had been killed on a short time ago. He had mastered his dreamscape, easily calling forth tree branches and vines for him to step on as he chased the demons through his mind- literally killing his fears one by one with a set of daggers or a bow. Why he didn’t use his magic Dorian wasn’t sure, but watching the scenes that played out before him he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Some of the things he was forced to watch were truly horrible. Some of them were things that Dorian himself feared, and he was all the more awed by the elf’s ability to hunt down the things he was afraid of.

Canicus dragged him out of the water and they came up on the other side of the lake- literally. The lake was like a window.- sputtering, needing air in his lungs even though he wasn’t actually drawing any real air into them.

The two didn’t speak. Canicus kept flying until he found the place that had been tugging at Dorian’s chest.

It was Adelin, hair tied back in a long, graceful red braid, firing flaming arrows into legions of Corpses, holding them back seemingly by sheer force of will alone. He looked so very alone.

Red braid, green tunic, golden bow and quiver, arrows burning the darkness all around him away. A star at the bottom of a pit. Armor glinting from the bottom of a lake. The undead surged up around him every time he seemed to falter- each time he wiped sweat from his brow, and very soon Adelin would need to either switch to daggers or flee altogether if he didn’t want to be swallowed whole by the hoard.

“Adelin!” Dorian cried, charging into battle without a second thought. He was vaguely aware of the fact that Canicus was literally _on fire_ as the bird gave a phoenix-like shriek and flew down, cutting a line of blue fire the same color as the flames coating it in the earth between the advancing mass of Corpses and Adelin’s back. Dorian deftly jumped across the blaze, standing back to back defensively with his beloved.

Adelin stopped, bowstring lax in his hand for moment.

“But- I- You… I- _How_ are you-?” Canicus swooped low overhead, screaming again as he torn a line through the enemy.

“What is _that!_ ” Adelin exclaimed, ducking low then doing a somersault across the ground and firing another exploding arrow deep into the fray.

“Adelin, meet Canicus, my spirit animal.”

“Your _what?_ ”

“Spirit animal. Yours is a fox, by the way.”

“A _fox?_ - **Move!** ” Adelin finished, jerking the mage back just in time to avoid the sword strike of another enemy. Canicus swooped low, sinking his flaming talons into the zombie and flying off again. The ring around them was closing considerably.

“We need to get out of here- **now.** Call your bird and hold me tightly.” The elf instructed, firing off the last of his arrows in giant exploding groups as he spoke. Dorian whistled his tune, waiting for the bird to fly low enough to touch and at the same moment Canicus’s now cool blue feathers ghosted over Dorian’s fingers he wrapped one arm around Adelin’s waist- in that instant, all three of them shot straight up into the air.

Canicus must have adjusted more easily than the two mortal beings, because Adelin and Dorian struggled to right themselves as their feet found the new source of gravity that was a stride and a half behind them on a new chunk of land. With a wave of his hand, Adelin closed up the 'path' they had come through and Dorian fired off a small fireball to take care of any undead that had wandered through.

Adelin caught his wrist, looking at Dorian’s fingers in awe.

“You still have your magic?”

“Of course- this is the source of all magic, why wouldn’t I have it?”

“Just curious. My magic has been gone for several years now.” Adelin replied as if it were nothing.

“Years? Adelin-” Dorian pulled the taller elf into his arms. He felt much more muscular than usual, but still skinnier somehow. “Adelin you’ve only been here for two months at most.”

“What? No… No, that’s not possible.” Adelin replied again, gently pushing the human away. He turned his back and paced a few feet away, waving his hand and constructing the courtyard of Skyhold as he moved to sit near the well.

“You- You’re a _trick_. Another Aspect trying to get to me, trying to weaken me. It- It won’t work. _I-_ I- I am. I am stronger than this. Than a simple _gimmick._ ” Adelin growled, he held a dagger in his hand, but he was glaring down into the pit of the well. Canicus stood nearby, ready to move if he needed to. Dorian took a few hesitant steps forward.

“Adelin-”

“No, please- I can’t. I can’t do this again. If I have to do this again I’ll go mad. I’ve already faced enough of this hell. Please! Just...”

“Adelin, please, look at me! How can I prove to you that I am real if you won’t even lift your eyes to see me?”

Still Adelin refused to meet Dorian’s face.

“Adelin…” Dorian was nearly in tears now. “What could have been so horrible that you gave up on the notion that I would come to save you? That would make a construct of the Fade that looks like me preferable to the real me?”

Adelin didn’t reply. Instead he stood and began snipping the leaves off of one of his prized Royal Elfroot plants he kept.

Dorian moved to his side- the side that wasn’t holding the sharp object- and carefully laced his fingers in between the elf’s.

“Adelin… I lov-”

  
  
“DORIAN, STOP!” Solas cried, he and Fenriel charging up out of the well so quickly that they brought a gust of wind with them.

Solas was battered and bloody, he had a large gash across the side of his head and several burns covered his clothing and some bits of skin that were visible. Fenriel was practically uninjured, save for a similar gash on his head and being slightly winded.

Behind the two, a slightly more familiar, short-haired, golden-eyed Adelin sat shaking like a leaf on the wind.

“D-D-Dorian… that isn’t... me…?”

 


	14. Double, Double, Toil and Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian makes his choice

“For the love of the Maker, can we _please_ just get all of this straightened out so that we can get out of this convoluted place?” Dorian cried in exasperation, moving far away from both groups so that he was standing near Canicus once more.

“If it were that simple, then yes, we could. However-”

“Shut up you stupid egg! You’ve ruined my whole plan!” The long haired Adelin growled, turning ruby red eyes filled with hate upon Solas.

“Dorian, you are the key to all of this. You are the _one_ person who knows Adalen’anasal- possibly even better than he knows himself. You must-”

_**“SILENCE!”**_ The Apprentice screamed, shooting bolts of lightning at Solas and Fenriel. The wolf easily dodged the bolts, and Adelin took his opportunity to dismount when the three of them were near cover enough for him to hide. Of course a giant wolf would not have been able to fit behind the bench where Adelin was currently crouched, so Fenriel and Solas kept moving- madly dodging bolt after bolt of thunder and returning ice bolts of their own until finally Solas took the brunt of a bolt squarely to the chest.

He, of course, crashed convulsing to the ground, Fenriel hovering over his charge defensively.

Dorian quickly made his way to Solas’s side, Canicus and Fenriel coming to stand in front of their hosts.

Solas was gasping for air like a fish on a dry dock by the time he got to him, seemingly swimming back and forth between this world and the real one as he fought to stay asleep. Vivienne and Solas were the defensive/heal mages of the group. Adelin and Dorian usually had more of a flare for things that exploded or smashed- or at least normally they did. The real Adelin was still cowering behind the bench. If these injuries somehow transferred over to the real world...

 

Well. Hopefully Vivienne was nearby.

“Dorian- I can’t- S-Stay. You. You are… the key. Choose one- the _correct_ one.” Solas jerked at Dorian’s wrist as he spoke.

“Solas enough with the damn riddles! You’re fine! You and I- We’re going to save Adelin! You can’t die!”

“Not. D-Dying. Idiot. Waking… up. Not allowed to. Give you. Answer-" He seized up into the air for a moment" Just. Do what's. Right.” Solas replied grimly, finally closing his eyes and then dissolving into mist as he went back to the mortal world. Fenriel disappeared along with his elven master, floating away as bits of black and silver on the wind.

“Well, this could have gone _much_ better.” The Apprentice chuckled. “Ah, well. At least I have the last three things I need. My _weakness_ ” he practically spat at Adelin “my guide” he waved a hand lazily up at Fox, who was still sort of keeping his distance from the group “and, last but not least, my Greatest Fear.”

“I’m sorry, I think you’re a bit confused. Quite understandable really, considering the way this world is set up. Quite ghastly, don’t you think? It could use a bit more color, maybe some tapestries-”

“D-D-Dorian… D-Don’t j-joke right n-now. Please...?” Adelin begged, golden eyes wide and innocent like those of a sea otter, peeking out from over the lip of the well as the lean, lanky elf cautiously crept closer to the other two men. He was almost as quiet as Cole.

“Adelin? Why are you acting like this? What’s wrong?”

“Y-Y-You mean y-you d-di-didn-didn’t figure it o-ou-out alr-r-ready?” Adelin asked, even more visibly distressed.

“Figure what out?”

“Two halves of a whole, _love.”_ The Apprentice purred, leaning lazily against a pillar that seemed to grow out of the ground behind his feet “ _‘Choose one’_ that’s what Solas said, yes?” He smirked and crossed his arms over his chest. “This whole place is made up of choices. He meant choose one of us. That’s what my greatest fear is, you see- that you will not choose me. But that is something that I fear no matter if I am pure good or pure evil. That is something we fear whether I am watching you die or if I am killing you myself. Thus- you must choose. I have no idea what will happen to either of us once you decide.”

“Correct me if I'm wrong, but most people don't kill the one person they are afraid of losing.”

“Everyone has different ways of showing affection, _darling._ My way is a bit… possessive. I couldn’t let _anyone_ have any part of you- so I made sure that not even Corypheus himself had a part in your life. Or death. Well, at least in this world, anyway.”

“That is sick and wrong on so many levels.”

“Details. Anyways, back to that greatest fear, 'you must choose' bit-”

“Ah, yes. Well that’s easy, I choose-”

“w-w-W-Wait.” Adelin cut him off (kind of?)

“You see Dorian, you need to think of it this way-" The red-eyed Adelin continued "if you choose that spineless pile of jelly over there, you’re going to lose the great ‘Herald of Andraste’ that the Inquisition leads. You lose the fearless leader of the Inquisition, and you also lose the man who would cross over land and sea, earth and sky- even the Fade itself to bring you what you wanted. You-”

“Yes, yes, I’m well aware. May I finish my sentence please?”

Both Adelins glanced at each other, nodded, then came to stand in front of Dorian. Fox paced forward a few more steps in curiosity.

 **  
**“Right then. Of the two of you, I choose… ** _neither._** ”


	15. Insanity- Why are You my Clarity?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At last, Adelin comes home!

No sooner had the choice left Dorian’s lips did he and Adelin both violently wake up.

Solas stood above both of them. Someone had been kind enough to move Dorian to Adelin’s couch and had thrown a fur over him. Dorian didn’t really care. All he cared about was the fact that Adelin was sobbing- very bright, beautifully _golden_ eyes burning holes right into his very heart.

“Adelin!” Dorian exclaimed happily as he flung away his blanket. Solas tried to stop him but thought better of it when he saw the mage’s expression. Dorian snapped his fingers and freed Adelin’s wrists and ankles, both of them coming together and then sinking to the floor in a puddle of loving, mushy tears while Adelin cried into Dorian’s chest.

“Dorian, I am so sorry- I- For everything- Please, please, please don’t leave, don’t ever leave me. The idea of you choosing someone else is the one fear I can’t face. I-” He continued to sob, clutching at Dorian while the human cradled him in his arms and tried to soothe the gasping elf.

“Shh… It’s alright, _amatus._ I’ll be here for as long as you’ll have me. I…” He tried to get the words out. Three simple words. Three words that would have brought that beautiful smile back to his beloved’s face. But he couldn’t get them out just yet. He tried once more, then just settled for holding the long-legged elf closer and kissing him softly. From the gentle smile on Adelin’s face, Dorian was fairly certain he got his message across.

“How did you know?” Solas asked Dorian once the two had calmed enough to be capable of speech again. Cole and Cullen had left when Solas had indicated with a sigh and a smile that there was no longer any danger.

“The only way to beat a fear demon would be to face your fear, yes?” Dorian began, pulling Adelin so that the taller man was now resting fully against his chest, curled up sideways against Dorian so that he could rest his head comfortably in the crook of the Pyromancer’s shoulder. Both of them refused to let go of each other for even an instant. “I reasoned that the only way to snap him out of… whatever that was, would be to force both of them to face the one fear they shared. And it would seem as though it worked.”

“Yes, quite. After everything you went through in that time lethallin, I suspect that you may have suffered some mental damage. You will likely have nightmares of your time there for a very long time- please, if you ever have need of my guidance, let me know.”

Adelin gave a soft, small chuckle. “Thank you Solas… I’m not sure what is left for me to fear in all honesty, but I will keep it in mind. Thank you.” And with that, Solas departed, leaving just Dorian and Adelin clinging to each other like drowning men on the floor.

Once he was gone, Dorian peppered Adelin with kisses all along his brow, his face- everything he could reach without disturbing the child-like peace that had settled over the elf.

“Dorian?”

“Hmm?”

“I think… I think I’m _tired._ ”

Dorian laughed, letting the sound rock through him and laying down with Adelin still on his chest. “Oh _no!_ You are _never_ allowed to sleep _ever_ again!”

Adelin laughed with him, moving so that the two were now eye-to-eye and kissing him even as they both giggled like school girls.

After what seemed like hours of laughing a cuddling and kissing, Dorian admitting to ‘being old’ and having the two of them move to the bed, Adelin was just drifting off to sleep when Dorian had to ask-

“Addie… what happened to you while you were trapped by that demon? I think I saw bits and pieces but...” Adelin stiffened and seemed to try to pretend to be asleep for a moment, but then sighed and looked at the grey-eyed mage with a sort of solemness that looked out of place on cheerful his face. A face that had aged seven fold in the what seemed to be just a few short months. How could this possibly be the young elf that had left his clan to visit the Conclave all that time ago..?

“Dorian…" He began slowly "Imagine every fear you’ve ever had- from the day you were born. Now imagine spending two months locked inside your head facing the worst of _all_ of those fears. I had my magic ripped from me. I was made Tranquil once. I saw the forests I grew up near burn to the ground. I watched my clansmen get _slaughtered._ I watched you _die._ I watched all of my friends _die._ ” His breath hitched and he closed his eyes, clenching them against the memories that flooded him. Dorian moved closer- ready to offer comfort if needed. This elf was making him get soft. He used to be so terrible at comforting others... “Sometimes _I_ killed you myself. Sometimes I ordered others to do it. Sometimes you were dying or being killed as I ran towards you. Sometimes they did… _things_ to me. Horrible things.” He couldn’t stop the words as they tumbled from his lips. He was shaking now- though in rage or fear, pain or sadness- you couldn’t tell. “They made me your slave, or the slave of someone else- and I did everything that a slave would do. Be punished for things I hadn’t even done. Each _‘memory’_ would only take a few moments because time moves so much more quickly in there than it does in here. I have lived through thousands of different lives, and I can recall every single moment of all of them if I try. Every scenario, everything that brings a shiver to your spine or a chill to your heart- that is what I experienced, Dorian. My own personalized hell.”

Dorian was silent for a few moments, gently smoothing his fingers over Adelin’s cheek until the elf opened his eyes at last.

“Are you alright?”

“No.”

“What can I do?”

 **  
**“Just… stay here. You… You keep me sane.” Adelin let out a breath, curling up against Dorian like a child until he finally fell into a peaceful sleep.

 

For the first time in a long time, Adelin Lavellan did not have any nightmares.


End file.
